COMMUNITY VOICE HIGH GEAR/FEBRUARY 1977

COMING OUT AT WORK

By: Myron St. Francis "Coming out" seems to be a somewhat frequent topic. The pros and cons of coming out to different individuals (parents, relatives, friends) are often evaluated and re-evaluated. Therefore, I would like to share my inadvertant experience of coming out at work.

In April of last year, I started in the first job of my professional career. I don't consider myself a closetted person, and I don't like the thought that I was presumed straight. (This includes "flubbing" my way through excuses as to my presumed activities with female companions.) I felt that the people who were closest to me would understand, and coming out to them would take a bit of pressure off informal group activity. One day, while on break, I "gently" told Jack, a coworker, that I was gay. He accepted it fairly well (1 thought) and let it go at that.

A few weeks later, I got into a situation that threatened both my self and my job. I felt my boss could help, and would accept the fact that I was gay, but I asked Jack for his advice first. Jack informed me that he had already told George (our mutual boss), and all was fine. I was able to resolve the situation after talking to George.

At this point, there still remained one other person with whom I was closely associated to whom I wanted to come out. One night, Marvin and I were working late, so I decided to

come out to him. Things still seemed cool.

About this time, June came to an end. I was talking to George, and he told me someone had asked him if there was "something funny" about me. George said he had just shrugged it off. When he told me, I presumed somebody caught on, but I never dreamed any of the three people I told had spread the word.

I hadn't received another indication of my being "out" until late November. I was talking to Gordon, and he told me Marcia, his secretary, told him I was gay. At this point, I flew into immediate panic. After all, if Marcia knew, all the secretaries and clerks knew. suddenly, a "great revelation" dawned on me: "If the 'rumor' is widespread, it must have been going on for months, and nothing has happened yet. On top of which, both Jack and George told me they hadn't heard anything, so maybe the guys in the office didn't know. anything."

The beginning of December brought the company Christmas party, which I saw as my chance to greatly confuse the issue. I had asked Carla, a straight friend of mine from college, to be my date for the evening. (Generally, Carla and I have our own party when we're together, as we cruse the guys together.) The night before the Christmas party, I ran into another coworker, and made some small talk about the up and coming Christmas party. I mentioned that I had hoped to "break out".

a few people with Carla, and was greeted with the response, "Why bother? Everybody knows! After all, you told SO many people!" (Three so many?)

At this point, I decided to get a new "plan." Since I could not begin to change anything, I decided to go to the party and have a good time.

Partially for my "benefit," Carla wore a very low cut dress that night. I kept my eyes open, and watched the reactions of different people I met. In time, I saw the department manager, Neil, walk up to the bar for a drink. (Neil can be described as a typical macho-butch straight.) I introduced Neil and Carla, and Neil didn't know what to do, say, or how to react. (He would have much preferred avoiding us, as he did the rest of the evening.) Although I saw others struggle to stay in their chairs (instead of falling out), Neil's reaction to the "token faggot" was the most interesting.

When I later reflected on the party and my experiences at work, I suddenly realized what was happening. Most of the macho-butch guys are unable to deal with me It doesn't occur to them that I am a person. The people at work who do have their heads together are very accepting, and at times are willing to learn exactly how I think, feel and react.

were

As is evident in this dissertation, many of my feelings and reactions unwarranted. I started noticing how many reactions of mine fit a stereotypical mold, of being "the watched, hunted, etc." Time was

needed to help me think in a rational manner once again. Overall, this situation has certainly been a chance to learn and grow within myself.

are another

If I had to do it again, I'm not sure how I would handle the situation. I can see no problems in continuing employment. However, advancements and promotions question. At this point, I sincerely hope that someone who is completely closetted and unsure of themselves may look at me, and see how many stereotypes I don't fit. If I can shed some light in some coworkers' minds, I will feel this experience is completely worthwhile.

ISHERWOOD

Continued from Page 20

length, he enjoys the company of Bubbi, then of the young man called Otto Nowak in the Berlin stories and finally of Heinz. The pursuit of gay love was also a basis for his close friendship with Auden, Spender and Forster. He reveals the degree of his sexual involvement with Auden that eventually became important to their friendship. A moving moment in the book, particularly for gay readers, is the incident in which the older and fully established Forster shows Christopher the manuscript of Maurice the novel about a gay love relationship that was not to be published until after Forster's death, and

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asks the younger man whether it is too tame.

Although he uses this new work to declare his gayness openly, Isherwood clearly was never in the closet. His openness about his relationships led to a series of confrontations, both in person and by letter, with his mother, who often thought her son's lovers were beneath him and certainly beneath her. That openness also underlay some of the difficulties he and Heinz encountered. Those difficulties form the dramatic underpinnings of this otherwise loosely structured book. It is worth noting that Isherwood feels that it is important to reveal his sexual nature fully. He, at best, has no patience with gays who remain in the closet. In his experience, as he indicates most tellingly in a Customs official's refusal to admit Heinz to enter England, the fear of revealing their own gayness often leads those in the closet to be the most ruthless persecutors of other gays.

The memoir ends with Christopher and Auden on the ship bringing them to new lives in the United States, where he indicates both were eventually to meet "the ideal companion to whom you can reveal yourself totally and yet be loved for what you are, not what you pretend to be." In California, Isherwood's importance as a gay elder statesman is acknowledged; it should be more widely recognized. Christopher and His Kind should serve to promote that recognition as well as to enhance its author's already prestigious position in contemporary letters.

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